Grief has been a teacher
By Crystal Dalton, SBC Member | Motherless Daughter | Certified Grief Educator | Certified Grief Movement Guide | Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher | Community Grief Nature Walks | Writer
Grief has been a teacher. I know it may sound odd, but grief has taught me so much about who and what it is, how it may appear (out of nowhere I might add), what it looks like in my body, mind and spirit, how it will shape my life and relationships, and often reshape those things. Yes, grief was once an acquaintance, someone I sort of knew, often on the periphery, and now we are better acquainted, friends, pals, roommates, besties. It’s a love-hate relationship, one that I am often resistant to and upset that we are on each other’s speed dial, but when I actually befriend Grief, I find our interactions are different. I don’t know if I’d use the word ‘succumb’, but sit alongside, not push away or scream at, but be with her.
Because, as it turns out, I am Grief and Grief is Me. It’s all the things I never knew about myself, about love, loss, strength, deep sorrow and feeling so lost, alone and afraid. The parts of me that I may have hid from or kept hidden from myself. Not wanting to feel my heart break, see literal cracks in my body, to shatter completely and wholly, to have a veil of darkness be cast over my existence, because, yes, when Grief came to town, I stopped living and merely existed: breath in my lungs because it didn’t take effort, water because crying took it all from my body, food to sustain life, and sleep because life was a nightmare.
Oh, yes, Grief blew into town and was like, ‘hey, ummm, yeah, so I choose you. I want to take everything from you, you’re cool with that, right? K, thanks, byeeee!’
Grief has shown me all the parts of me, the messy, broken, difficult, beautifully imperfect parts that I didn’t want to confront, to invite in and say, ‘hey, girl, wanna chat?’ Grief has taught me what love truly is-in fact, Grief is another word for Love.Grief has placed a huge mirror in front of me, and I’ve seen into the depths of my soul and I have invited ALL parts of me in, to come to the surface. A bitch contains multitudes. I am my mother’s daughter. I am strong, because what’s the alternative? No, I choose to embrace my strength because it’s my mom’s strength, a part of her legacy that lives on in me. Something I am so grateful for. Grief has taught me what ALIVE means and what LIVING looks like. Taking chances, even when it’s scary, when everyone else is questioning what you are doing. From Grief, I’ve seen who I truly am and what my soul’s purpose is. The cracks truly are how the light gets in, how a blade of grass grows through concrete or a pile of sand, a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Grief, once a bully and uninvited guest, is now allowed inside, to sit in with-ness of each other. These days, I am Cohabitating with Grief.
Crystal Dalton, Founder of Cohabitating with Grief, SBC Collective Member
Motherless Daughter | Certified Grief Educator | Certified Grief Movement Guide | Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher | Community Grief Nature Walks | Writer
