What Does Grief Have in Common with Your High School Spanish Class?

Hi, I’m Kera—your editor-in-chief here at Get Griefy. And if you don’t know, now you know: I talk about school a lot because that’s my “real” job outside of Get Griefy. I spent 13 years teaching high school Spanish, and as of 2024, I’ve been working in the Dean’s office.

Recently, my fellow grief friend, Rebecca Feinglos of Grieve Leave, shared content that stopped me in my tracks. She posted a question many people carry when faced with someone grieving:

“What if I say something wrong?”

Her answer was simple and powerful:

Saying something beats saying nothing. Every. Single. Time.

That hit me hard—because it immediately took me back to my classroom days.

Lowering the Filter

In language education, we talk a lot about “lowering the affective filter.” Basically, students learn best when they feel safe, connected, and free to make mistakes. When the filter is low, kids play with language. They laugh. They connect. They grow.

But after COVID, no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get my students to drop that filter. The classroom that had once been full of joy, laughter, and community became heavy with silence. And without connection, the joy of teaching drained right out of me.

Silence in Grief

And honestly, grief feels the same way.

When we let our discomfort get in the way—when we stay silent because we’re afraid of saying the “wrong” thing—we end up raising the filter around grief. We unintentionally destroy opportunities for friendship, connection, and healing. We leave people sitting alone in their silence.

But just like in Spanish class, mistakes aren’t what matter. What matters is showing up. What matters is trying. What matters is saying something.

Creating Space Together

This is why grief educators, coaches, organizations, and advocates exist. Together, we’re working to lower society’s “grief filter”—to create an open space where grief is acknowledged, accepted, and talked about, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Because here’s the truth: grief is not a subject you can avoid forever. And just like learning a language, the only way to get better at it is to practice. To show up. To try.

So next time you’re with someone grieving, remember this: it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present.

Say something. Every single time.