What's On Your Mother's Day Heart?
By Annah Elizabeth
What’s on YOUR Mother’s Day heart, Neighbor?
As Mother’s Day approaches, the world fills with messages of celebration—gratitude, flowers, brunch reservations, and reflections on what it means to be celebrated as a mother and to be loved by a mother.
For many… that lands beautifully.
For many others… it doesn’t.
For some, this day brings an unmistakable sense that something is problematic, missing, or downright messed up.
Two days after I gave birth to my firstborn, Gavin, I received a Mother’s Day card, and I wept. What kind of mother has no child? It was a question that stayed with me for years.
Several days later, as we were leaving the funeral for my son, my good friend told me what a great mom I was.
Neighbor, I literally fell to the floor, as that same question left my mind and echoed out in an audible wail of a broken mother’s heart. What kind of mother has no child?!?
It took me years to recognize that, even though I didn’t have the opportunity to do the traditional “Mom” things, I was his mother in so many ways—ways that were different than what we expect or envision about Motherhood.
I did feed and nurture him. I sang to him and rocked him to sleep. I told him how much I adored him. It’s simply that all of those things took place with him inside of me, where they were invisible to the eye and mind that hadn’t yet broadened their lens of awareness.
In the years since, I’ve reflected on that moment—and the thousands of stories I’ve borne witness to—and I see more and more how much we miss when we try to define these experiences too narrowly.
While we hear about some of those experiences through growing grief awareness platforms and programs, they most frequently appear in two forms:
Missing My Mom. Subscript: My mother died.
Moms Missing Their Moppets. Subscript: My child was born and my child died.
Countless stories are rarely talked about as part of the same, shared experience.
If you, Neighbor, are feeling sad, mad, shamed, depressed, deprived, less than special—or [insert your whatever]—please know you are not alone.
There are many paths that lead to this feeling… and they deserve to be named.
For Those With A Mother’s Heart
You, who have dreamt of being a mom, but those dreams haven’t materialized as you expected…
Maybe you have experienced the death of a child who entered this world alive…
maybe you experienced infertility… stillbirth… miscarriage… ectopic pregnancy…
maybe you are estranged from your children…
maybe you are feeling lost in an empty nest…
maybe you are in what many label a “non-traditional” relationship or role and bringing children into the world feels almost impossible…
Maybe you are a single father, playing both Mom and Dad roles, and your children are asking tough questions…
[insert your experience…]
For Those Missing Their Mother or Mother Figure
You, who are navigating this day without your mom…
Maybe her death is recent or has stretched across years…
maybe the missing is due to emotional or physical distance…
maybe there is a physical or mental illness that triggers dread or fear…
maybe you’re parenting your own children and grieving the absence of her guidance in both your lives…
maybe you were raised in an adoptive or foster home—whether you felt loved, or not—and are longing to know your biological bloodlines.
maybe you’re longing for even the possibility of what you wish that relationship could have been.
[insert your experience…]
And For These Mothers Whose Struggles Are Not Always Seen
You, who is beating your not-a-super-hero-mom-self up because you’re feeling fatigued, overworked and underappreciated…
You, who feels like a “bad” mom because you’re frustrated or angry at your children for not finishing their chores, today of all days…
You, who is feeling ungrateful because you don’t know what to do with yet another Special Mom Mug or all you really want for Mother’s Day is a day to yourself…
You, the single-parent mom, who feels like she hasn’t done enough because there simply isn’t enough of You to go around…
You, the male mom-figures, who nurture the souls and bodies of your children every day, often without recognition for your contributions…
You, the terminally ill mom who fears she won’t live long enough to witness and celebrate your child’s next success… the mom who is forced to worry about who will mother your child(ren) when you die…
You, the sick mom who, no matter how much you’d like to get out of bed and do something with your child(ren), you don’t have the energy…
You, the mother who, for whatever reason, has a difficult relationship with your child(ren) and longs for easier associations with them…
You, the mom who is feeling guilty for working too much and not spending as much time as you’d like with your dear one(s)…
[insert your experience…]
I don’t see any one of these as labels or as being better or worse than the others.
I see people. Period.
And one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned and shared throughout my years working with loss, grief, healing—and ultimately human potential—is a truth I hope people remember:
There is no universal loss hierarchy, Neighbor.
The only loss hierarchy is the one we claim for ourselves.
There are countless ways that Mother’s Day can touch the heart—
some filled with joy, some filled with sorrow, and many holding both at the very same time.
And perhaps… that is the shared experience.
Not that our stories are the same—
but that we each house both hardship and happiness alongside one another, and that something within them wants to be seen, acknowledged, and honored.
So, Neighbor…
whatever is on your Mother’s Day heart this year—
I see every single one of you.
I honor you.
And I celebrate and salute you.
Read the Full Article at annahelizabeth.com
About the Author
Annah Elizabeth is a Healing Specialist and creator of The Five Facets® Philosophy on Healing, a pioneering framework that helps people live their best lives—even in the face of adversity. A TEDx and keynote speaker, Life & Spiritual Coach, energy medicine practitioner and teacher, international spiritual medium, and published author, Annah blends science and soul to illuminate the many ways we can heal, lead ourselves and others, relate, evolve, and make meaning in the midst of both struggle and success.
